2/22/14 20:20 Fire Assist 140222239 Occurred on Alcala Ct, Pacifica. PER COUNTY--RESPOND W FIRE -- 2 SUBJ'S HAND CUFFED THEMSELVES TOGETHER, CAN NOT REMOVE HAND CUFFS W OUT OFCS OS. Disposition: Assisted.
2/23/14 01:07 Dist Noise 140223011 Occurred on Palmetto Av, Pacifica. "SQUEEKING FURNITURE AND LOUD SCREAMS" -- RP SAYS THEY ARE HAVING "LOUD OBNOXIOUS SEX" Disposition: Log Note Only.
2/25/14 18:48 Citizen Assist 140225267 Occurred on Gateway Dr. , Pacifica. POSTED DOG SITTING SERVICES ON CRAIGSLIST // X CALLED HIM AND HE GAVE HER ALL OF HIS PERSONAL INFO // X EMAILED HIM ADVISING SHE WOULD MAIL THE "DOGS" TO HIM FROM WHEREVER SHE IS AT // RP NOW CONCERNED FOR HIS SAFETY AND DOES NOT WANT ANYTHING DELIVERED TO HIS HOUSE // WANTS ADVICE. Disposition: Log Note Only.
(Pacifica Police Logs courtesy of roving reporter Chris Fogel)
"The Guardian and the Washington Post have revealed that the NSA has a back door called PRISM into all our internet communications (emails, over-the-internet phone calls, browser search history, etc.) with 9 major companies, including Microsoft, Google and Yahoo! (but not, interestingly, Twitter).”
The People's Think Tank has learned from White House, DOJ, NSA, Pentagon, Homeland Security, CIA, FBI, and Department of Housing and Urban Development sources that PRISM was a diversionary tactic to keep secret a far more intrusive method of spying on the American people.
As it turns out, the so-called “metadata” collection of every keystroke on every computer and the storage of every phone call made anywhere and everywhere pales in comparison with the government's collection of what has become known as “pata data.” (This term is derived from a clandestine eccentric French underground university, Le Collège de Pataphysique, which has perfected the science of imaginary solutions.)
This super-duper, ultra-secret program is called IMPRISM. Cyber warfare scientists in underground labs in secure salt caverns in Leslieville, New Mexico using unpublished research by Nikola Tesla have perfected the ability to electronically monitor the thoughts and emotions of every person on earth over the age of 9 months. As neurologists have known for decades, every thought and emotion in the human brain activates an electronic impulse that IMPRISM can now detect.
Liberal Democratic politicians are more than thrilled that President Obama has chosen to activate this program because they believe that IMPRISM will identify every terrorist, would-be terrorist, terrorist supporter, terrorist apologist, and every other human being who has had any anti-government thought or feeling.
The Republican National Committee to Restore George W. Bush to World Stature says of IMPRISM: “President Bush stated unequivocally that the United States was attacked on 9/11 because terrorists hate our freedom. Therefore, our job is to eradicate every freedom so that finally we can be 110 percent safe. We expect nothing less from IMPRISM.”
Like most Americans, I have been following the news of our government's various Top Secret infosweep programs, and I suspect that emails I have received twice daily for the past several years from a foreign national—via the Sprint Nextel system—may have resulted in my communications being scrutinized by the National Security Agency.
Just wanted you to know it's fine with me if you fork over to the Feds all my metadata, which I think you technically own anyway. If it makes it any easier, these transmissions arrive in my Samsung Galaxy 3 inbox daily at roughly 2 a.m. and 2 p.m., Pacific Time. They are of varying length, but nearly always too short for my liking.
The NSA guys or your guys (I'm still not sure how it works) can easily identify my foreign correspondent, who lives in Japan. His name is Shironeko (Japanese for "white cat"). He is 11 years old and is nearly all white with a "ginger" tail and patches, and dreamy green eyes. I would describe his build as "sturdy" but certainly not fat, except for his cheeks, which are.
He is often seen on YouTube in the company of his black-and-white twin siblings, Chibi-Bang and Chibi-Side, the marmalade-colored Tyatora, and young Mimi, who is white with black spots. And one more thing: They live on a farm inland from the area devastated by the 2011 earthquake and tsunami.
Shiro and I met through a mutual friend. It was one of those online things. You know. As for his political leanings, while Shiro's family roots are in Turkey, I can't imagine that he's a jihadist; to be honest, he seems thoroughly apolitical. And while he sometimes wears flowered hats that resemble the "fascinators" worn by British royals and hangers-on, he is no cross-dresser.
I hope I have cleared up any concerns you may have had about my concerns about your participation in our government's information surveillance programs.
Now that the Obama Pentagon has revealed that the entire world is a battlefield, liberals in the Democratic Party can breathe a sigh of relief that Mitt Romney, “the greater evil,” failed in his attempt to take over the executive branch of the United States and expand the so-called war on terror into the farthest reaches of space.
Republican insiders recently revealed that if Romney had been elected, not only would he have sent an archeological expedition to Missouri to locate the Garden of Eden, he also would have had the Pentagon declare the entire world a battlefield, and also the Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars. Romney's advisers asserted that since Mars is the pagan god of war, there was ample reason for assuming that it harbors groups associated with al-Qaeda.
Thanks to the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF), the president as commander-in-chief can now target anyone anywhere in the world for “elimination with extreme prejudice.”
This, of course has led to mildly annoying incidents of blowback (see 9/11). But if Romney's rumored plan to extend the battlefield into outer space had come to pass, it is believed that extraterrestrials such as Venusians and Martians (close relatives of the mighty Klingons of Kronos) would have been tempted to actually destroy the earth in retaliation.
But waiting in the wings are plans formulated by Tea Party members to declare the entire solar system a battlefield. This would reignite the dispute as to whether Pluto is a planet, making it eligible for a U.S. Embassy and associated C.I.A. and military installations.
This is in addition to the recent revelation that within the Tea Party an even more conservative subset, the Cocktail Party, is demanding that the entire galaxy be a battlefield for the Pentagon. The more temperate members of that group insist that the Pentagon first take control of the solar system and then go star system by star system until the galaxy is finally rid of all terrorist organizations and their supporters once and for all.
Since Riptide originally ran this list during its first year (2007), readers have added new Pacifica memories. Now our friends at Pacifica Patch are keeping the ball rolling. Click the link to add your local oldies but goodies:
1. You call your friends Bro. 2. You know what B.O.V. stands for. 3. You know that Pacifica, not Petaluma, not Pittsburg, is the original P-town 4. You own at least one Log Shop/Nor Cal sweatshirt 5. Your last name is Piccolotti or Hillard or Lange or Shaw. 6. People from the city and Half Moon Bay say you're from "Pathetica," but you really know it's "Terrifica." 7. You walk down the street and know the name of almost every person who drives by. 8. You go to parties and know who is there by their cars parked out front. 9. You have at least one friend who has worked at Round Table, Ace Hardware, or Safeway! 10. You know that Inverness isn't just a street name. 11. You do the three S's: surf, skate, and smoke. 12. Outsiders complain how thick the fog is, but you can see all the way to the Farallon Islands. 13. You've kicked it at the "dump," the gazebo, under the bridge, or the point. 14. The word "dude" is always at the beginning and end of every sentence. 15. Every party in town is like a Terra Nova reunion. 16. Everyone knows everyone, even if you really don't, they've at least heard about you. 17. You've been to "The Breeze." 18. You were proud to represent Linda Mar, Manor, Sharp Park, Fairmont, Westview, or B.O.V. 19. All year long you sport Uggs or Reef sandals. And you've worn Uggs with shorts long before it became stylish. 20. You've stolen wooden pallets from Safeway to make a bonfire at Linda Mar beach. 21. You spend Friday nights partying at the Sea Horse, Winters, or the Octopus Lounge—for the past five years!!!!! (and did karaoke at one of them). 22. You know that Fog Fest is a must! 23. You know what Jeff's Best is (for you old-school P-Towners). 24. You smoked or drank at the wall. 25. You've been in Denny's at all hours and probably used to smoke cigarettes in there. 26. Taco Bell on the beach has many memories for you. 27. You've been drunk on the pier. 28. Channel 8, baby, channel 8. 29. The Tribune is a source for gossip. 30. Your kids (or your friends' kids) are taught by the same teachers who taught you. 31. You were taught by your parents’ teachers. 32. You can come flyin’ down Highway 1 at 80 miles an hour at night in the fog because you know every turn, dip, and pothole without thinking about it. 33. You travel to any nearby city and have to ask, "WOW, has it been sunny here all day??" 34. You can't wait to read the latest POLICE BEAT in the Trib to see if any of your friends made it in this issue. 35. You saw “Jaws,” “Grease,” or “Scarface” at the Seavue Theater. 36. You stood outside of the "U-SAVE LIQUOR" store trying to get someone to "buy up" some beer for you and your friends! 37. You wake up the next day hung over and alone at the beach in "MANOR" wondering when the party ended and where everyone else went YET you AREN’T afraid of what could have happened to you?!?! 38. Part of your morning routine was to go to "THE LIL RED STORE" before school! 39. You can remember that Baja Bugs are remarkably agile at crawling over the hills in "FAIRWAY." 40. You know what "SPINNIN' BRODIES" in the school parking lot means. By the way, who was Brody? No one seems to know. 41. You walked down to Bud's ice cream during lunch to buy sour power. 42. You have traded at least two books at the old used-book store by the Little Brown Church. 43. You remember when half the trailer/mobile home park fell into the ocean. 44. You saw the first midnight showing of “Star Wars: Phantom Menace” at the Seavue, at which, of course, you have snuck in some Taco Bell or McDonald’s. 45. You remember taking the behind-the-scenes tour of the Manor McDonald’s when you were a kid for a field trip or birthday party. 46. You remember the year when they had to bring in fog machines for the Fog Fest parade. 47. You rode on someone’s truck (tow truck, to be specific) in the Fog Fest parade. 48. You were a Pacifica Police Explorer. 49. You hung out at the Wander Inn on Linda Mar beach. 50. You marched in the Fog Fest parade as a grape to the tune of "I heard it through the grapevine." 51. You hung out at the Lutheran Church on Seville in the downstairs Lavender Mushroom on Friday night. 52. You turned right at the stoplight and went to Nick's on the way home from 49er football games on Sunday evening for a pit stop.
(list compiled by a fellow rocket scientist and Mensa member from Sun Valley, who says to keep adding to it)